The following narratives hold us back from holding our teams accountable to expectations. Noticing how we feel is key to giving meaningful support.
Self-Doubt
“Who am I to tell them to do it that way? I don’t know how to do it myself.”
Remember, you are evaluating them against objective, agreed-upon expectations – not against your abilities. It’s not about you.
Notice and acknowledge your self-doubt. Then redirect to the actual issue at hand.
Frustration
“They should really know better! How could they not?”
Scenario 1: They are not meeting expectations that have been explicitly stated. To neutralize your frustration, get curious about why not. It’s your job to point out the discrepancies between outcomes and expectations – so do that.
Scenario 2: You are holding them to a standard that you have not explicitly stated. So be vulnerable and course-correct. If there are expectations you have not been clear on, now is your chance.
Fear of Discomfort
“I don’t want them to feel bad. I want them to like me.”
It does feel bad to give and get tough feedback. But just like we have to get through cold winters to enjoy spring blossoms, experiencing discomfort is part of our growth process.
You can acknowledge and validate your own feelings and your team’s, but you can’t change them. Take comfort in the fact that you have their best interest in mind.
Lack of Trust
“They don’t have what it takes to get the job done right.”
If you don’t believe they can do it, then they never will. Unless you change your narrative, you are fighting a losing battle. Notice your biases and judgment. What expectations are you holding them to that you have not been honest and transparent about?
This is the time to get vulnerable and course-correct by setting those expectations with more clarity.
Empathy
“They are too busy/ overwhelmed/stressed out. I’ll just dive in and do it for them.”
Sure, you can do it – but you are demonstrating your lack of commitment to the expectations you laid out. And they might miss out on an opportunity to grow.
If you are going to step in and help, be intentional about it. Make sure you are both aligned on what this means for their performance evaluation.
Help Them Grow
Our most important role as managers is to be clear about our expectations. By working through the narratives and emotions holding us back from doing so, we spare our direct reports the frustration, self-doubt and disengagement they would experience from operating without clarity. And, most importantly, we enable growth.
